God, I hate that word. Future.
How can such a simple word that used to be filled with endless excitement and unimaginable opportunities be so daunting now. I guess that's the beauty of growing up, everything starts to lose a little magic as each year goes by. (gag) look at me! I'm speaking as if I'm a tired 50-year-old who has persevered through everything life has thrown at me and lived to tell the tale. When in reality, it is quite the opposite. I'm 19-years-young and has just sauntered home after a very delicious dim sum lunch and flipped open her laptop to find multiple tabs and windows left open from when I was intently researching career prospects and crazily trying to plan and organise the next 5-7 years of my life one late night.
It's crazy. I'm crazy. If there's one thing I've learnt on my short time on this planet, it's that things rarely carry out as we planned. I can sit here all day trying to decide which degree would give me a better chance at being admitted into a doctorate programme and reviewing all the volunteering and work experience I'll need to undergo after in order to make the cut...but, what good does it do if in a couple months or years from now, I'm sitting in a lecture hall and it hits me that maybe I don't want this path anymore. Maybe, I'm not interested in a PhD, or practicing clinical psychology, or I want to veer into a different field. What happen's then?
Human's are fickle minded creatures. I think it's our biggest asset as well as downfall. Imagine all the things we could achieved if we always stayed determined with our plans from Day 1, but then again imagine all the happiness we might miss out on if we kept doing something we don't enjoy just to see it through. We are best at things we are passionate about. I envy, as well as look up to people who live by this. People who forgo what is expected of them to pursue their passions no matter the consequences or uncertainties they may face. That ability to veer off the safe path to a steady future and take a risk instead. It's amazing.
I put aside a passion and interest of mine to calm my parents' (as well as mine if I'm being honest) worries about how difficult it'll be to support myself with journalism. It isn't the typical degree or career most parents want for their children in Asia. So I stuck with science and fortunately, I found another interest to pursue within this field. Yet once again, the future isn't that certain for someone on this path and it makes me nervous. Very nervous when I think about the money my parents have poured into my education and those doubts about what if I can't find a good job or make a decent career out of it. How will I repay them? How will I make them proud?
But again, it's crazy. I'm sitting here in 2017 trying to predict my future 5-10 years from now and all it's doing is stressing me out and leading me no closer to any answers. There's nothing wrong with being prepared and making plans to reach your goals but at the same time this annoying habit of mine to constantly overthink the future, makes me lose contact with the present. This underlying panic makes me forget to enjoy the moment. I love uni life. I am loving my classes, my friendships and the adventures but I am also vividly aware that it won't last forever. So why waste this fleeting moment? Attend each uni class with an enthusiasm to learn, do each assignment with the goal to score, make more life-long friendships and just take each day as it comes. I love my subject and I don't want to lose this passion because I'm scared of uncertainty. Why should I stress about the future when I can enjoy how far I've already come. There's no harm with just stepping on the brakes a little and enjoying what I have now. The future will happen either way. So we can fret about things we can't control or we can grab the reins on the things we can a.k.a the present. And I think I'll choose the latter.
I apologise for the sudden onslaught of thoughts but I felt like putting my feelings into words. Something I'm going to try to do a little more on here.
Talk soon xx